Avenues

I thought my journey was like this: an orange cat, sleeping. Me, wasting my life away. Daily grind in the myst of noise. I took a chance to put my knowledge from pen to paper. Keyboard to word. To publishing. A simple checklist, after the pain, wondering why I am typing away when there is nothing left to feel. 

Une ruelle avec une fin: a horrendous journey that found its own voice. Another avenue I never considered putting out there. But to end the internal cycle of violence. We must talk about it. 

 

 

Journeys and reflections

Welcome to the LUXQIRA blog, an online diary where stories unfold, connections are made, and healing begins. Join me as we explore the depths of creation, trauma, and the mythic narratives that bind us all.

Fragments for the Wordless: Why We Need New Vocabularies for Pain

Language is built to celebrate the unbreakable bonds.

From the moment we learn to speak, society hands us a ready-made vocabulary for family, for lineage, and, specifically, for mothers. We are taught words like 'unconditional', 'sanctuary', 'shelter', and 'warmth'. We are told that maternal love is a law of nature as certain as gravity.

But what happens when your reality defies that law?

What happens when the sanctuary is the source of the storm?

Suddenly, you are left entirely without a vocabulary. You look into the mirror of your experiences, but the words available to you do not fit. To express grief over a living parent, to feel anger where affection is expected, or to admit to a profound fracture is to speak a language society labels as taboo.

You become isolated—not just by the pain itself, but by the silence that surrounds it.

The Weight of the Unspoken

When a relationship that is supposed to be foundational is instead fractured, the trauma is double-edged. First is the immediate hurt of the experience; second is the societal shame that demands you keep it quiet.

We are taught that to speak of a toxic maternal bond is a betrayal. So, we choose silence. We carry the heavy, jagged pieces of our truth inside us, terrified that if we let them out, they will cut the people around us—or reveal us as deeply broken.

But silence does not heal a wound; it merely allows it to fester in the dark.

I wrote 'I hate my mother' (Je hais ma mère) not to shock and not to court controversy. I wrote it because the title itself is the ultimate unspeakable thought. By putting those heavy, terrifying words into the light, the gravity begins to shift.

Piecing Together the Fragments

If you have experienced this kind of estrangement or emotional exile, you know that your memory does not operate in a neat, linear narrative. It exists in fragments. A sharp memory of a look, a sudden echo of a voice, a physical ache in the chest, a quiet realisation at midnight.

These are the fragments I gathered.

My work in this library is dedicated to those who did not have the words. It is for those who have sat in the quiet corners of their lives, feeling entirely alone in their anger, their sorrow, and their confusion.

We do not need a perfect, flawless narrative to begin healing. Sometimes, we just need to see our shattered pieces reflected back at us in the pages of a book, letting us know that someone else has walked through the same shadow.

A New Language

A vocabulary where it is acceptable to say,

  • I am hurting.
  • I am distant.
  • I am reconstructing myself from the pieces left behind.

You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. You are not broken because your story didn't follow the script.

These words are a mirror. These fragments are for you.

For the intelligent and introspective reader

This blog is a sanctuary for intelligent minds, for those who ponder the deeper questions of existence, trauma, and the human condition. If you've ever found yourself asking,

  • Do you ask AI the silent questions buried in your heart?
  • Is it only me that feels this way? 
  • It's 2 am, and I cannot sleep? 

You've found your community. Here, we delve into complex themes with honesty and an open mind, fostering discussions that challenge and illuminate.

Join the conversation

After reading a post, I invite you to share your thoughts and feelings. Leave comments below, where you can express yourself freely and connect with other readers. Your insights enrich our collective journey. Feel free to share any post that resonates with you with friends, family, or anyone who might find solace or inspiration in these words. Let's build a space for mutual understanding and healing.